My story started out as a 17 year old that decided to eat 'healthier' and ended up losing weight. I never had a weight issue, I was very active in sports and in the student body during high school, no one ever told me I needed to lose weight or commented on it. I was a 5'1" petite cheerleader who grew up in a wonderful household with awesome examples of how to be a normal eater so developing this issue was completely foreign and unintentional.
After I lost a few pounds and began to get positive comments, I thought "if you think this is good, I can really cut back and look even better." I became anorexic during my senior year of high school and was just consumed with food thoughts and my social life began to suffer.
After many months of this, I ended up bingeing. I can still remember the day and what I ate as if I were watching a movie. I didn't even know what bingeing was at the time but once I got a taste and the rush, I was hooked.
The binge/restriction continued throughout college and into my twenties. I knew life was passing me by but I felt hopeless and confused.
I tried therapy, medications, self-help books, religion...nothing worked. I lost relationships, was a recluse during college, had extreme mood swings....life was a blur.
Fast forward several years into my early thirties and I discovered Brain Over Binge. This made sense to me and it took me several reads but it finally stuck in August of 2017. I had a one year old daughter and felt desperate to be a better mother to her.
I was in recovery until I started to overeat/eat compulsively while pregnant with my son and the binge/restrict came back into my life shortly after his birth. I was getting comments about losing the weight so quickly and I wanted to perpetuate this so I began restricting.
I knew about Lydia through YouTube and Podcasts but rediscovered her and her principles at my very lowest point. I scheduled the Breakthrough Session and never looked back :)
My now story is a more free life. I am just out of the program and know that I still have work and practice to do but the changes thus far are amazing.
And if nothing else changed at all my life would still be a million times better. My chatter now is more about overeating than bingeing (yea!) and I don't wake up every morning wondering if I'll binge.
Chatter tries to tell me I'm white-knuckling but I know this isn't true. If I overeat I don't punish myself. I think the resilience is the biggest thing for me.
I can just look at the data and move on. No compensation, no restriction, no dieting... EVER.
I am a better mother, wife, and friend. I am present with my kids and my mood has definitely stabilized. I'm no longer crazy about working out either.
My husband is very grateful for this! I work out if I want to, not because I have to to compensate. I'm leaning into the food neutrality concept and I understand changing my brain takes time. I'm learning to trust myself again. I'm nicer to myself about my body. Being a size 0 was miserable and not sustainable.
I've accepted that my body will get to where it needs to be and I'll have fluctuations along the way. Like I said, I've still got work to do but there is no wagon to fall off of and no timeline to rewire my brain.
I want to enjoy the process and appreciate every nuance along the way. Something that surprised me was how the program helped me with dealing with emotions and just feeling those emotions.
Not having to try and change how I feel has been huge. If I'm frustrated, that's okay. And knowing that I won't feel this way FOREVER and that all I need is time is liberating. Emotional freedom has been life changing in so many ways.