I was always a slightly below average build. I spent my entire childhood not having to keep track of or watch what I ate. I was small, active, and healthy. However, in high school I felt the pressure to be perfect.
I had my first boyfriend who was majorly in to health and fitness and we used to work out together a lot. I went on my first diet as a teenager at the age of 15.
I lost weight quickly. I received a lot of attention and soon became obsessed with counting calories and restricting. ALL of my energy went into working out and restricting my calories. At one point I remember tracking my calories and was eating as little as 450/500 calories per day as well as still dancing, playing sports and doing ballet.
I lost so much weight my parents threatened to hospitalize me. I had lost over 25% of my body weight and people became scared. So I was forced to eat.
This led to my first binge and for my whole junior year of high school I spent all of my time bingeing, purging and restricting. I was discovered purging and it forced my parents to take further action.
I began therapy and had "recovered" for my entire senior year. I was still restricting, over exercising and counting and obsessing over every calorie. But I wasn't purging anymore.
So I went away to college and the binge/purge cycle started again in full effect. I spent the next 6 years in the cycle of restricting and binge/purging. Up to 25 times a day.
Hundreds of dollars a month on binge food, stealing food from roommates, hiding in the cafeteria so I could binge in private and became fully isolated, ashamed, broken.
Still remained in therapy.
After the 6 years I decided I had had enough. I ended a bad relationship and it gave me the new found freedom I had been hoping for.
I remained free from the binge purge cycle for 8 years. Still counted calories and didn't allow myself to enjoy any food the was not permitted. So much effort and energy went into maintaining and controlling my food and body. Thoroughly EXHAUSTING.
Still remained in therapy.
Then I got married and had my first child. On her first birthday I experienced my first binge/purge in 8 years. Scared, out of control, ashamed, embarrassed and began to believe i really was broken and that this food craziness was just a part of my DNA. No matter how long i went without an 'episode' I still couldn't fully recover. Then the cycle began again and lasted for 7 years.
Alone, private, broken, scared, exhausted. I tried virtually everything to "cure" myself from my "disease". I tried meditation, yoga, more talk therapy, cryotherapy, every supplement know to man to boost my mood or 'fix' me, antidepressants, sleep schedules, every eating disorder podcast ever made, Marc David, Tony Robbins, Holostic healing, Wayne Dyer and the list goes on and on and on......until I found Lydia.
Now this is my life:
Real, unedited, non white knuckling FREEDOM.
No FEAR. No RULES. No OBSESSIONS. No RESTRICTIONS.
AND........sooooooooo much free time! To think freely, to be resent, to be and feel whole again.
Tools to help me get through wobbly spots and everything I need to recognize when old patterns of thinking come up. I LOVE FREEEDOM!!!!