My before story is this: feeling bad and wrong in my body from aged 6 (despite being a totally normal size), going on diets from aged 10. Putting on. Losing. Putting on. Losing. Decades passing.
Now in my late 40s. Restricting is too hard and my only recourse is constant overeating in a grazing way. Body hatred. Feeling trapped and wrong. Feeling like I've let down the people I love. Feeling like I am going to be punished for having no self control.
Basically: a living nightmare.
My now story: I am learning that I have a choice. That I can eat too much if I want but I am learning more and more that, on the whole, I prefer not to do that. I am learning that I am allowed to move my body - even though I have decades of shame around it for being the 'wrong' size. I am learning that trust is a thing I have lacked so much over all these years.
I am realizing that I can learn to trust myself, trust myself with food, trust that I am ok. And none of this involves perfection. I have learned that the more perfect I aspired to be, the further and further away I was getting from perfection. In fact, there is no such thing. I am learning to stay present and call out the chatter now: not when I'm smaller, not when I'm in perfect health. Now.