My mother often missed meals and I remember her clearly weighing herself and being very fed up that she couldn't get under 9stone. My father also always commented on women's weight and looks and the worse thing you could do as a woman is to be fat. We were not allowed chocolate or treats and so I remember trying to eat as many as possible whenever I could then my first proper diet was at 14 at boarding school when a friend and i decided we would just eat an orange a day which was successful and I had anorexic tendencies and ended up being expelled from school at 15 and one of the reasons was that I wasn't eating.
I know now this was possibly as a result of being sexually and physically abused by the priest at boarding school between 11-13 but I basically blocked those 2 years out of my brain completely. Once home I quite quickly started bingeing.
Then for the next 25 years I binged 2-3 times per week but wasn't overweight, even after having twins. I was however, always on a diet, obsessed with food and what I looked like and felt overweight even though I wasn't.
Then when i turned 40 I had a breakdown when my daughter reached that age i have been abused at boarding school and that is when the bingeing and my physical health got really out of control.
My weight went up very quickly and I went up and down by 3-4 stone and the diets I did got more extreme - complete meal replacement shakes for 3-4months at a time or every other day fasting as I couldn't seem to do anything less extreme - so basically starving and bingeing every other day. As they were so extreme the bingeing and bounce back was always fast and furious and I worried that I could burst my stomach or really injure myself and I was so ashamed as my weight went so obviously up and down but I couldn't talk to any of my friends or family about it.
I then started having therapy and that really helped but didn't completely sort the bingeing although it was much less as i had also pretty much stopped restricting. However, getting in touch with Lydia was the final piece in the puzzle for me to find the freedom I so desperately wanted all this time.
Now I feel free! I don't think about food all day and I don't have any of the overwhelming urges that i used to have all the time. I only had one minor binge in the 8 weeks working with Lydia so it was almost instant help for me.
I am still working on body image as having been slim for the majority of my life until the last 15 years I still wish I could be slimmer but that is getting much better and having bought new clothes has helped alot with that.
I feel so much happier at home with my family and don't have the mood swings that bingeing made me have - I feel I am in my relationships and am more loving rather than most of my thoughts being on either trying to get food or avoid food.
I, like everyone, was so scared i was broken and it wouldn't work for me and I would have wasted my savings. Such simple principles and knowing that even if I have a slip and binge that i know the way out is amazing. I am much calmer and although I say I would like to lose weight I know that my body will find the set point that it is meant to be in its own good time and i am happy with that. THANK YOU LYDIA!!