Over a 30 year period, my struggle with food and weight gain gradually worsened until it spiraled out of control and became very damaging to my mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
It began with me innocently "needing to lose a few pounds" and ended years later with me frightened to death with how rapidly I regained 45 of the 65 pounds I had worked so hard to lose over a period of a year and a half.
I was completely confused and disheartened because I could not keep the weight off, even though I always promised myself that I would stick to a "sensible eating plan" and not go off the rails again.
In 2016, in desperation, I joined a 12 step program because I had gained so much weight that I had to walk with a cane; my knees couldn't handle it. I truly thought that I had finally, finally found the solution to what ailed me. I worked it, and it worked.
And then, I was horrified to find myself back into the binge grazing, out of control again. I was constantly telling myself that "I've already blown it, so I might as well continue to eat today, but I'll do better tomorrow" or "I've eaten this sweet, so I need to have something salty to counteract it". Tomorrow would come and it would bring the same insane cycle with it.
Mornings weren't hard, but by the afternoon, I was toast. I was completely worn out and demoralized from the struggle!
Coincidentally (maybe not), there had been an interesting convergence of information of late about the power of the brain that I had been absorbing via podcasts and a book. I believe this brought me to the place where I was ready to hear what Lydia had to say. So, when her video showed up in my Facebook feed, I clicked on it, and the rest is history!
I feel so smart, because, at the age of 62, I was open to learning new skills and I recognized the wisdom of what Lydia has to offer.
You CAN teach an old dog new tricks! I am so thankful to be free of the constant anxiety that I suffered around food. Through the power of my own brain, the confusion has disappeared.
Now I know why I kept falling back in to my old unhealthy eating patterns even though I didn't want to. I had been in the habit of grazing on sweets and carbs whenever I was alone, pretty much every afternoon and evening. That is no longer happening. I no longer have "good" foods and "bad" foods.
My body and mind are slowly healing and in the process, my fullness and hunger indicators are returning AND I'm discovering what foods I really enjoy and what I don't.
I am figuring out how I want to eat and my body will eventually reach a comfortable and healthy weight. I am working on accepting my body as it is now and not focusing on forcing it to change like I used to.
In the months and years to come, I look forward to taking the time I used to waste obsessing about food to garden and learn some new hobbies like weaving. I am able to engage more with my family because my mind is more free. I'll always be a work in progress, but now I have peace.