I decided to join the program after seeing the webinar online and watching the video interview with Kathryn Hansen. I was getting desperate.
I was grazing constantly working overnight to get me through work. It felt like I couldn’t stop. I was so full of condemnation and negative thoughts about myself. I started thinking about getting weight loss surgery and going to diet doctors.
Even though I knew I had fix my brain first. If I didn’t fix my brain nothing would be lasting. I was so desperate I didn’t care.
I felt hopeless and thought things will always be this way. A few days after that is when I saw the video for the webinar.
I dealt with my food issues probably my whole life. My mom said she was trying to feed me peas so she added applesauce to the spoon. She said somehow I swished it around in my mouth and spit out the peas but kept the applesauce. I always remember having a fondness for sweets.
My dad killed himself when I was 9 and I’m not sure if that sparked using food for comfort for sure or not. I always was fixated on junk food and sweets. I thought it was what brought me joy and pleasure. The thing that hurt my heart was I’m a Christian and I thought this food issue was me sinning, being a glutton, being rebellious, and just a bad person. I didn’t want to disappoint God, but I sure felt like a failure.
[after participating in the Beat the Binge program ] My brain space is freed up. I don’t have to allow those thoughts about food to stay in my head. I don’t have to believe what the chatter is telling me anymore.
I knew how to work with my thoughts about many other things in life, but I didn’t know how to apply it to the food issues I’ve had.
I can go to the store and I don’t have to buy candy. I can choose to, but I’m not pulled towards the candy aisle like I used to be. I used to think of my freedom from food crazy thoughts would have me stop grazing all the time and I would automatically lose weight.
That’s not the case and I’m learning to be okay with that.
I used to think I was only healthy or beautiful if I was smaller. That has always been the goal in my life. Be smaller. I realized my worth was not in my size. It’s in what God says I am.
I have a wonderful husband and kids, I am kind, encouraging, blessed, and have the most fantastic friends. I can be with them and not stress or feel bad about what I’ve eaten.